Covidiots Everywhere!

I have been working on a couple of really interesting projects over the last few weeks, reading and learning lots. I’ve also been on social media much more than usual as I try to keep connected with friends, family and colleagues.

Added to this, the heightened awareness of everything around me due to the Coronavirus, and extra leisure time, i.e. not driving kids to and from activities, I have started to notice and think about things a bit more than normal.

One of the things I have started noticing more are what I would call ‘good’ words. Words that resonate and that I like.


Some of the words I like at the moment include:

  • malarkey

  • plootering

  • clapping

  • covidiot

  • meagre

  • donut

  • zooming

  • social distributing

  • fiasco

  • glasnost

As it's Good Friday and things are a bit quieter, I thought I’d put these ‘good’ words to ‘good’ use and write a short story. Enjoy!


Covidiots

It was a quiet day, no-one was around, the phone wasn’t ringing and there were no callers to the door. I looked out of the kitchen window of my flat at the local covidiots, cavorting in the sunshine, blatantly ignoring the government advice and decided not to join them. Instead I made a coffee, stirring in the last of my meagre ration of sugar, yet another product hit by panic buying, and turned on the telly. I plump up the cushions on my worn sofa and settle myself to find out what the latest fiasco being reported is.

The new interim Prime Minister, Emily Maitlis, is holding a virtual press conference, zooming round the country taking questions. Finally, we have someone sensible at the helm, who seems to understand the needs of the people, and isn’t out solely for political gain. The last one Dominic Raab pretended to embrace openness and transparency, getting down with the workers in true glasnost style, but we could all see through him, he was such a donut!

First question asked is about Robert Jenrick’s plootering round the country. Is he being a covidiot by telling people to stay at home, then touring himself and his family back and forth, visiting his many extra homes and panic buying for his parents who are being well cared for by their neighbours? She defends him by saying that in his capacity of Housing Minister he is responsible for ‘social distributing’ rather than ‘social distancing’. When challenged that she is talking malarkey, she states that he also performed the valuable function of clapping for key workers at every one of his many stops.

As the sun drifts through my living room window, my head gets heavy and I fall into a deep sleep. Waking up a few hours later I discover it has all been a dream. Emily Maitliss is not the Interim Prime Minister, that was just wishful thinking by a nation in crisis. Instead it’s time for Dominic Raab to adopt his rabbit in the headlights look at today’s 5pm briefing, and Robert Jenrick to once again defend his stupidity.


#covidiots #zooming #malarkey #covid19 #clapping #socialdistributing #socialdistancing

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